You can never see these things coming, but we were completely blindsided by this one. I mean, he so seamlessly fit into the fabric of our family, we are still in shock.
Ironic that Version 2.0 brought home a family picture just a few days ago. There he is, front and center, right in the middle. The only one in color, so vibrant in life. Swish. You remember, Swishy Dubowsky?
Sigh.
Broken hearts on Valentine’s Day over here at the Dubowsky house.
Here’s how it all went down. Just a little bit of background, Swish has been known to sleep at the bottom of the tank before, so I thought (hoped?) that was the case yesterday as I ran out the door to pick up 1.0. I knew though, that something was different:
I came back an hour and a half later and that was it. Version 2.0 was still at school but 1.0 and I were together, so I called her over. There were tears, but through the tears the immediate inquiry of, “Can we get some more fish now?”
I knew we were going to be okay.
We would get to the other side of this.
2.0 though. He wears his emotions on his sleeve. I was worried about how he would deal with this. So 1.0 and I talked about how to best tell him, and then for additional support we Googled, ‘how to tell your kids the fish died.’ (Lots of hits on that one.)
V1.0 opened the first link, which had a table in it that outlines how children of different ages comprehend death:
- Newborn to Age 3 – No understanding of death
- Age 3 to Age 6 – Thinks death can be reversed
- Age 6 to Age 9 – Thinks death is contagious
- .
- .
- .
Me: “So any idea of how we should tell him?”
V1.0: “Let’s just tell him this is reversible.”
Me: (shaking my head)
It’s rare that I’m left speechless, but for a moment all I could do was chuckle in disbelief. Is this girl for real?
Clearly, this one was going to be one me. Further evidenced when the husband and V2.0 got home a few minutes later. “Did you tell him yet,” I asked? “No, not yet.” He was still outside at this point, and upon overhearing that she could be the bearer of bad news, V1.0 raced outside to (obnoxiously) tell him that Swish had died. He didn’t believe her, because why should he? Swish was the invincible fish – surviving for years – essentially born on the streets (won from a Town Fair), making his way in life, surviving, and thriving. Now that I think about it, Swish could have been a rapper? But anyway…
Anyway, V2.0 eventually made his way inside and came over to me immediately.
V2.0: “Is it true?”
Me: “Yes, it is.” And before I could ask if he’s okay, V1.0 blurts out, “Mommy killed him!”
Mic drop.
WHAT?!?
#parentingfail – I can’t believe that she said that (I am still mortified!)!!!
#parentingwin – I get a few days reprieve from feeding a fish? <– is that appropriate?
#conflicted.
When is it too early to have a glass of wine?