I need to write. That being said, I’m not sure exactly what it is, that I need to write. But I know I need to do it. And it’s not like I haven’t been trying; I’ve got about a dozen posts that I’ve started, or as I call them, are in the hopper. I can pretty much guarantee though, that nearly all of them at this point will never see the light of day.
I read a study once, that those who we surround ourselves with significantly impact our productivity, performance, and overall happiness. It makes sense that when we sit next to a high achiever, “positive spillover” occurs, and we too, become high achievers; surround yourself with the people you want to be like, right? However, did you know that the opposite is even more pronounced? If we surround ourselves with toxic individuals, “negative spillover” has over twice the impact. Yes, you read that right. Twice. Two times. We are less productive, performance declines, and we are unhappier. That just blows my mind. Yet at the same time … it doesn’t quite surprise me? Moral of the story? Where are my published peeps at?!? I NEED you!
But I digress. As I almost always do; off task and off topic. Story of my life. So where was I? 🙄 Back to writing …
More recently, I’ve been trying to do things that I want to do. Wild, right? (I should insert that eye-roll emoji again here … but to avoid overuse of it – even though that fits my life to a T, I’ll refrain.)
Random Friday night at a bookstore? Yes, please.
Dinner out at a restaurant I choose? If I’m not going to hit my macros, at least let me own that.
New and different TV shows? Sure!
Saying … no? (<– to anything and everything!) Ha! Amazing!
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.
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Writing at my favorite cafe by myself? I’m working on it.
And reading. All the things. I had a goal in 2025 of reading 30 books, and I’ve fallen behind. Until that is, I started saying no, and carving out time for it. Making space. Because well, I love it. Show I don’t want to watch? Watch it if you want, but I’m reading instead. Dishes that need to be done? Screw it, I’m curled up and reading. A quiet night to myself? A glass of wine and a book, please. In this month alone I’ve read and / or listened to four books, and will likely read another 2-3 before it’s over (that’s a lot for me!).
So what exactly, have I been reading lately? A couple of memoirs, a non-fiction self-help book, and The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, a novel about perspective, assumptions, perception, and regrets.
What about this screams “Whimsical … ?”
‘It’s hard to predict, isn’t it?’ she asked … ‘The things that will make us happy.’
Mrs. Elm, in The Midnight Library
What though, does any of this have to do with writing? Well, I figured that a nice light book review would be a soft landing back into writing, Easy peasy. So why not start with a feel-good book about regrets (sarcasm)?
(Maybe a book review is a bit of a stretch. How about instead, I’ll speak to some of the things that resonated with me – and why – give an overall rating, and then I’ll then send you on your way. Sound good?)
The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig
Overall, and maybe it is because the season of life that I am in right now, this book resonated with me. Made me think. Every single day we are faced with hundreds, if not thousands, of choices. From the seemingly mundane to the significant, we.make.choices. We may feel as if we are influenced in the choices we make, but ultimately, we are the ones acting. What if we had a do-over? What would we change? What would we choose? And maybe more importantly, why?
I guess though, in order to answer any of those, you need to know what you like.
‘But you also have to know what you like … And sometimes you have to try a few things before that becomes clear.’
Mrs. Elm, The Midnight Library
So what do I like? Well, most things really – I’m up for pretty much any adventure, big or small. I’m an overly positive glass-half-full person who finds beauty in everything. Or I used to, anyway. The book really made me think about this, and to the point of toxic spillover earlier, what happened to me? Where did my free spirit and simple nature, my love of clouds and the moon and the night sky – where did it go? Where did I go?
There are so many things that went through my mind as I read this book. I know what I don’t like, but in a sea of going through the motions wouldn’t it be nice to be feverishly swimming towards something rather than floating aimlessly wherever the current takes me, which is how I feel right now? Let’s take it one step further. What do I want? What am I willing to go after? And if not, why?
‘Want,’ she told her, in a measured tone, ‘is an interesting word. It means lack. Sometimes if we fill that lack with something else the original want disappears entirely. Maybe you have a lack problem rather than a want problem.’
Mrs. Elm, The Midnight Library
It’s easy for someone to just say, do what you want. But I don’t know what I want. Or maybe I should say, I don’t know what hole needs to be filled; what I am lacking. Because I think that’s more so the issue, I “have a lack problem rather than a want problem.”
My reality though, is that I’m not sure I would go back and change anything in my past; in that way I don’t think I believe in regret as one would traditionally define it. And that is one of the reasons this book gave me pause. I can’t change the past (why dwell?), but I can learn from it as I move forward. Remember, every single day we are faced with hundreds, if not thousands, of choices. For most of my life I simply haven’t … chosen. Anything. And I think ultimately, what I want is the strength to own choices in my life. To actually make my own choices. Big and small. Significant and mundane. Fail or thrive. Since I have never really made any choices in my life – and that is a whole other post – I think that is what I want. That is the hole or the lack. The ownership in my future where I am the author. My autobiography versus my biography. I’m fully capable of that, and that is what I want.
That. Is what I want.
She imagined, now, what it would be like to accept herself completely. Every mistake she had ever made. Every mark on her body. Every dream she hasn’t reached or pain she had felt. Every lust or longing she had suppressed.
She imagined accepting it all. The way she accepted nature. The way she accepted a glacier or a puffin or the breach of a whale.
She imagined seeing herself as just another brilliant freak of nature. Just another sentient animal, trying their best.
And in doing so, she imagine what it was like to be free.
The Midnight Library
Imagining my free over here … potential failures and all. 💜
~~~
My rating for The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig: 4.5 ⭐️’s
