Author: Sarah Dubowsky

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I swear schlep had two p’s in it … ??

Likely because I’ve primarily used it in the present tense, such as, “I’m schlepping the kids to practice right now.” Or in the past tense of, “I schlepped the kids around last night.” Only as a verb, never as a noun … maybe that is why? 🤔

Anyway, I digress …

Regardless of one ‘p’ or two, the random Wednesday night assignment was clear (or was it Thursday?):

  • Get Versions 1.0 and 2.0 to their activities.

One parent, two kids, four (?) activities. Simple enough, right? Annnnnd go.

Disclaimer: this is NOT one of my children’s artwork pieces, because we know I am not: 1. maternal; and/or, 2. sentimental. This is what I imagined my night of driving would look like.

I knew where I needed to be, and when, so how hard was the schlepping going to be?

Hard? No. Time-consuming, gas-guzzling, and mind-numbing? Yes. But overall, very straightforward:

  • Get V1.0 to a 30-minute softball hitting lesson at 5:00 p.m. on the southeast side of town.
  • (No time to change, she had to eat in the car on the way there … and back …)
  • Then bring V1.0 directly to wrestling practice at location A, close to where we live (#winning!).
  • After the drop off of V1.0, stop quickly at home to get V2.0.
  • Bring V2.0 to wrestling practice at location B (on the west side of town).
  • Head back to location A to pick up V1.0.
  • Drop V1.0 off at home to shower, while I head to location B to get V2.0.
  • Pick up V2.0, head home … at 9:00 p.m. for him to shower. And eat dinner.

Straightforward, yes, as noted above. But when you put the 7-stops into Google Maps to outline your schlepping route, you get a Jackson Pollock masterpiece:

Here was the reality of it, from beginning to end (I kid you not):

This is the math kids need in school today:

  • Total time out of the house: 4:29 h. (And hours that I now need to make up for work.)
  • Total time spent actually driving: 2:26 h.
  • Total cost of schlepping for the night: approximately $80.00.
    • 41.2 miles at 16.6 miles per gallon = ~2.5 gallons.
    • 2.5 gallons times the cost of gas at $4.39 / gallon (93 octane, of course).
    • 4.29 hours times $15 / hour (the going rate for … babysitting these days?).
  • (Trust me on that $80 – I love me some math).
  • And children that will make an Olympic team? 0*

* Truly irrelevant.

What’s that quote about losing your mind in the mess of parenting (or maybe just losing your mind)?

I can say this with full confidence right now: it’s all a blur. Days, weeks, years. All of it.